Thursday, May 24, 2007

Sir Doon of Devon sends a letter to his brother

Oy there, bruvver. It been nigh on two year a comin' since ye have hird from me and I got this here clerk to scratch out a letter to ye. He wert a wiley one that one. He wanted to write some bloody hoity stuff 'bout Jesus and the Year of Our Lord and such like, but I putted him in a headlock and squeezed til he write what I say and not what he thinks I should say. Can't stand no uppity clerk tellin' me what I should say to me big bruvver.

How's it in Devon? That bitch o' yers still in heat fer ye? Got any new pups? I parbly got a few somewheres here in te norf where I be stayin' now. None too many damosels to me likin', tho there wert one in Strangorre. Ai she had bigguns that one. And a right lady too.

Well I been fightin' for King Arthur, followin' a holy man in te norf wit a company of right regular knights. Great men all, I says. An' good fighters too. Can't say I won much glorye on the field, but I wrestled a bear wearin' none such but me loin garder. Bear won.

Later I joined an host and went norf to rescue the holy man who got himself caught by the Blue People - Picts. Boy bruvver, you ain't never seen such like as these 'uns. Painted blue and smellin' like me after I been sleepin' in the stye like when I wert a babe. 'Member bruvver? Aye we had some good times.

So I got beat up pretty bad. Them Picts is right good fighters an handy wit the long spear. I got skewered right through and wert laid up in a hospice. Forget the name o' the place, but it wert fine, and the nuns liked me. Ain't slept in a bed like them before, neither.

Well, bruvver I'm mostlye mended an I'm on my way south to Devon to collect me tin from Peck the Hen. I hope yer feedin' her like I showed ye.

Give me best to the missus'.

Your bruvver,


LOL! "Bear won." Bruvver, you're not kidding! Good thing those archers were on your side, Doon.

He said "bigguns."

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